Storm

4 April 2008

Yes, there was a bit of a snow storm here this morning but this post is about another kind of storm. A poop storm.

It began with trying to leave for work. I left the house not once, not twice, but three times without my laptop. I had already done this on Tuesday where I drove 1/2 way to Concord before I realized it, turned around and came back to get it. This day my idiocy was compounded by the fact that I was going to Concord for one meeting, a meeting where I was to use my laptop to give a presentation. I just wasn't firing on all cylinders to start the morning.

I had several long days this week so I was excited for a relatively short one. But when I walked in the door I could already smell that something was off. I came in and Heidi was asleep on the couch which is normally a serene image. But have you ever had an image ruined by a smell? Heidi woke up as I came in and said, "Can you fix that over there I was just too tired and I threw up this morning?" Of course I wanted to help especially if my darling wife was feeling ill. At the changing table I saw several piles of mustard colored poop spread out judiciously over the blanket, two sets of clothes, the old diaper and some wipes. It actually looked worse than it was and I wiped everything up and tossed all of the clothes in the washing machine.

"What happened?" I asked Heidi.
"Well, I went to change her diaper and I took off the first one. Then she peed and made a pee puddle right on the blanket. Then she had an jet stream poop that got in the pee puddle and made a bigger mess. Then she put her feet in the pee poop puddle. Then she curled her feet up and spread the pee poop mixture over her head." Heidi went on to explain that it was all she could do to clean Amelia up--which was why she left the clean up for me.

As I said though it wasn't that big of deal on my end at least. But this story goes on. I picked up Amelia and put her on my chest so I could watch a few episodes of the Office and maybe take a little nap. I took the nap by I was awakened by a smell emanating from the porch. A few weeks ago I had moved the cat boxes to said porch and installed a kitty door to them so that we did not have the cats doing their work in the house. There were times when we had people over that the smell was as if a 12 year old boy had pooped in the corner of our living room. It does not go well with dinner.

But coming around the corner of the porch, through the kitty door and into my nostrils was an award winning odor. Heidi got the easy end of it as she took Amelia and went to a hair appointment. After she left I decided that the smell was so bad that I would dump out both cat boxes and fill them with new kitty litter. But I could still smell the smell through the trash bag so I took the bag outside. Even then I felt as though I could still smell it though so I filled a bucket with steaming water and half a bottle of Pinesol and mopped all the floors in the house.

Even after all that I still wasn't sure if I could smell poop through the pine forest smell so I took off my clothes, started a new load of laundry and took a shower. As I write this, with Amelia on my chest in the baby bjorn I think she is already working on another odoriferous product.